Choose Your Cruise!

Private tour packages


Private tours longer than 90 minutes are available by email request only at the moment! If you want to book a 90 minute tour, you can do so directly through our booking system by selecting the Strangers Are Gross ticket option, to book out the whole boat. This is for 8 people! If you have more (max 10), let us know and we’ll send a payment link for the extra one or two.

Is your group larger than 10? No worries! See the “larger groups” prices below!

Our standard pickup and dropoff point is here, at the wooden dock just on the water just in front of Keizersgracht 100. Alternate pickup and dropoff points are discouraged but possible. Additional transport time costs will be applied.

Prefer a language other than English? Our captains also speak Nederlands, Deutsch, Español, Swashbuckler, and even Australian!

What about something to nibble on? Maybe something to dribble down your gullet? Of course, you’re welcome to bring your own nibbles and dribbles, but we’re happy to facilitate your laziness and arrange it for you! See what we have on offer in The Galley.

Pirate pro tip, we brew our own beer!

90 minutes

-the “strangers are gross” tour -

Smaller groups - €280 for up to 8ppl, plus €30pp thereafter - max 10 people

Larger groups - Please contact us to inquire about price and availability!

We get it. You miss creating social connections. New chats with new people seem like forever ago! But still not worth the risk of some fucking weirdo being on your boat! Plus it's super nice to have the whole vessel and charming skipper all to yourself! You choose the route, tone, and even language of the tour (by advance request only)! Make the tour your own. Enjoy discussions on Dutch history, culture, and architecture? So do we! Prefer us to just shut the hell up and drive the boat? With pleasure!

3.5 hours

-The “kidnap Your captain” tour -

€550 for up to 8ppl, plus €55 pp thereafter - max 10 people

Larger groups - Please contact us to inquire about price and availability!

If you’re a person who agrees that life is best enjoyed on a boat, our “Kidnap the Captain” tour gives you enough time to float peacefully through the canals at your own pace, ensuring a broad view of Amsterdam and all its funky features! Some groups spend the whole time on the boat, but we can also stop at one or two canal-side drinkeries for all those biological urges!