1) How much is a tour? 

- I totally know this one! €25 per person is the standard price for the public tours. There is a €2 discount for Humans in Training (students, children)!

-Private tours are available too! It's a little more personal, and we can be flexible on time and adjust to your schedule. Also we can take any desired route you like! Maximum number of passengers is 10 plus your guide. The cost is €250, regardless of head count. If you don't see the time slot you'd like on the tickets page, email us!

-We also have access to bigger boats ranging from small to huge. As for how fancy you need, we've got it covered all the way from a half-inflated beach ball to the height of opulence.

2) When should I arrive for my tour?

-The time of the tour is when we expect to leave for the boat, so buy your goodies well in advance and plan to meet at the meeting point fifteen minutes early (scroll up for the meeting point map!) This city can be confusing and be delay-inducing, so give yourself enough time to be a little late. Your guide may not be there as early as you (he may even be slightly late).  Do not worry!  He will definitely show!

3) How long is a tour?

- We plan on being on the water for at least 90 minutes. Usually more, but it depends how long it takes to rally the troops.

4) Can I bring food?

- ABSOLUTELY!!!! Bring a snack, picnic, meal, feast, whole lamb to roast. Okay, maybe not the last one, that takes hours. Plus, we don't encourage open fires on the boat........anymore.

5) Can I bring drinks?

- Please do! Bring enough for yourselves, and who knows? Maybe others are thirsty and under prepared. Don't misunderstand, this is not (necessarily) a party boat, but we want you to enjoy yourselves, so you are welcome to bring whatever you like, but we trust you to know your limits.  Be sure to check the map you'll receive attached to the automatic email you'll receive once your tickets are purchased.   There's great places nearby for booze, food and "coffee"!

6) Can I smoke?

- We insist! Well, not really, but you are welcome to if you so desire! The rule on the boat is the general rule in Amsterdam: Do what you like, just don't be a dick about it. We are dedicated to everyone getting the most out of their experience with us, so we always encourage that anyone opposed to inhaling others' choices to make it known and we'll rearrange people. That way the dirty, filthy, disgusting smokers will be in the back so those who want to avoid smoke can easily do so. If you have a serious allergy or aversion to smoke, please contact us about a private tour.

7)  Won't it be cold?

- Yeah, for sure... outside the boat.  Inside, we'll be warm 'n snug thanks to our roof and heater!   Also, the complimentary mulled wine  on every tour in winter won't hurt either!

8) What route will we take? What will we see?

- All of our guides are knowledgeable and experienced, and well versed in Amsterdam's history and more contemporary societal tidbits. That said, we encourage our guides to switch it up and to not stick to a script! Hooray individualism! The result is that every tour is different, and each guide has his or her own points of interest. The best tours are conversations, so if you have requests, ask your guide and if time allows, we're happy to consider it.

9) Where do we meet our guide?

- You'll meet your (dashing, clever and smart) guide at Cafe Wester, a charming, local, Boat Guys friendly cafe. Good food and drink and an amazing terrace. Show up early and enjoy, or plan on meeting back there after for some amazingly delicious, but terribly named, bitter balls. Cafe Wester is on the corner of Nieuwe Leliestraat and Prinsengracht. See the map above.

10) Are you child friendly?

-We love kids......especially when they're slow roasted and served with a tart plum sauce. If that joke seems too offensive for your kids to hear, perhaps consider a private tour. Amsterdam is a place where sex and drugs aren't taboo and so they will be addressed openly and honestly on the boat; and as is the case when you have a bunch of giggling man-babies in charge, the tours can get a wee bit crass on occasion. We're more than happy to take you and your family on a private cruise geared towards kids, contact us directly to book.

11) Can we pay you more money?

- That's very sweet of you. Yes. Definitely yes!  If you feel they deserve it, our captains are always appreciative of something a little extra. You don't have to, but we'll judge you if you don't. Not really, but if tipping isn't something you agree with or can afford, please let us know how much you enjoyed yourself with smiles, handshakes, and awkward hugs. Our egos are delicate flowers, don't crush them without reason.