Go FAQ Yourself

Read through our frequently asked questions
to ease your troubled mind...

Amsterdam’s weather is a fickle mistress at the best of times, and as winter looms larger on the horizon, she becomes a full-on sadist. With that in mind, our boats will be covered until Spring has sprung, and our cold black pirate hearts begin to thaw.

Our boats boast a cozy capacity of up to 10 passengers. Tours marked with an (A) means capacity may be up to 12 passengers.

If your group is 11 people or more, get in touch and we’ll get you on a bigger boat with plenty of legroom.

If you think strangers are gross, a private tour is the best peace of mind.

Oh, and before you ask, well-behaved dogs are definitely welcome, though booking a private tour is preferable, just in case your fellow passengers have any allergies or phobias. If that ends up being the case, your pooch can hang out in our garden at TDBG headquarters for the duration of your tour.

Where do we meet?

Great question! We meet at our departure dock (on the water obviously), approximately located at Keizersgracht 96.

Please come to our office to use the restroom instead of bothering the neighbors!

Help is just around the corner! If you’re naked, thirsty, and/or need to pee, stop by Those Dam Boat Guy Headquarters., located at Prinsenstraat 13. We have a toilet you may use before and/or after your cruise., a top-notch drink selection in our oversized fridge, and we have super cool merch like hoodies, shirts, hats, and more, all of which should help with the nakedness. If you’re hoping for an alternate pickup and dropoff point for your private tour, that is potentially possible, but additional transport time costs may apply.

How much is a tour? 

I totally know this one! The standard price for adults on the public tours is €35 per person. Humans in Training (students, children) are €30.

Private tours are available too! It's more personal and we can be flexible on time and adjust to your schedule. Also, we can take any desired route you like! Check out all your private tour options and prices here. You can book a 90 minute tour directly through the booking system by selecting the Strangers Are Gross ticket option. If you don't see the time slot you'd like on the tickets page, feel free to contact us!

If your group is larger than 10, we also have access to bigger boats ranging from small to huge. As for how fancy you need, we've got it covered all the way from a half-inflated beach ball to the height of nautical opulence. Once again, feel free to get in touch.

When should I arrive for my tour?

The time of the tour is when we expect to leave for the boat, so buy your goodies well in advance and plan to meet at the meeting point fifteen minutes early. If you’re running late and still need some booze, we got fridges full of cold everything at TDBG Headquarters.

Come on by!

This city can be confusing and delay-inducing, so give yourself enough time to be a little late. You can always give us a call to let us know. We’ll do our best to wait for you, though usually only 10 minutes max.

How long is a tour?

For public tours, we plan on being on the water for at least 90 minutes. More when possible, but it depends how long it takes to rally the troops.

For private tours, take your pick of 90 minutes, 3.5 hours, or even 7 hours.

Your choice!

Can I bring food & drinks?

At TDBG HQ, we have a fully-stocked fridge full of craft beers, tasty wines, and classic sodas for purchase. Snacks are available too, but limited to nuts and pringles. Stop by our headquarters 15 minutes before your tour to stock up on supplies. We’ll throw it all in a cooler for you to take with you on the boat.

If you prefer, you are welcome to bring your own. Bring a snack, picnic, meal, feast, or whole lamb to roast. Okay, maybe not the last one, that takes hours. Plus, we don't encourage open fires on the boat.... anymore.

Be sure to check the map that comes attached to the confirmation email you'll receive once your tickets are purchased.   There are great places nearby for booze, food and uh.... “coffee!"

Can I smoke?

We insist! Well, not really, but you are welcome to if you so desire! The rule on the boat is the general rule in Amsterdam: Do what you like, just don't be a dick about it. We are dedicated to everyone getting the most out of their experience with us, so we always encourage that anyone opposed to inhaling others' choices to make it known and we'll rearrange people. That way the dirty, filthy, disgusting smokers will be in the back so those who want to avoid smoke can easily do so. Please don’t ask us to book you on a public tour without smokers. Smoking happens on a minority of our cruises, but we always allow it as an option. The only way to guarantee yourself a smoke-free experience is by booking a private tour. Get in touch with us.

What about the weather? Won't it be cold?

Amsterdam's weather is a fickle mistress it's true, and seems to always be in the midst of an identity crisis. Nothing to worry about though, just so long as you plan ahead.  During summer and early fall months, we use boats that are completely open. Keep in mind it's always colder on the water, so make sure to bring more layers than you think you need. We have blankets to help keep you cozy, clear umbrellas to help keep you dry, as well as some non-dorky ponchos available upon request . In the winter our boats are covered as well, but if it’s not raining, we prefer to keep the windows open. If you're still worried about it, just keep your eye on the weather and/or ask us for our amateur meteorological expertise. Keep in mind our 48 hour cancellation policy, so you can move or cancel the tour if it looks like it's not worth the risk.

What route will we take? What will we see?

All of our guides are knowledgeable and experienced, and well versed in Amsterdam's history and more contemporary societal tidbits. That said, we encourage our guides to switch it up and to not stick to a script! Hooray individualism! The result is that every tour is different, and each guide has his or her own points of interest. The best tours are conversations, so if you have requests, ask your guide and if time allows, we're happy to consider it.

Who is welcome?

We love travelers from all over the world! Our public tours are exclusively in English, and our intimate boats are perfect for having a social experience while also learning about the history and culture of this beautiful city. If you prefer a tour in Nederlandse, Deutche, Espanol, or even Australian, we can arrange that. Whatever language is spoken, we will talk about adult topics using adult language, while adult guests are allowed to enjoy adult substances. Please bear this in mind, especially if you are coming on the boat with children.

Can we pay you more money?

That's very sweet of you. Yes. Definitely yes!  If you feel they deserve it, our captains are always appreciative of a little something extra. You don't have to, but we'll judge you if you don't. Not really, if tipping isn't something you agree with or can't afford, no worries, but please let us know how much you enjoyed yourself with smiles, handshakes, and awkward hugs. Our egos are delicate flowers, don't crush them without reason.